18 posts tagged “fatigue”
So here I am at work. I don't really know what to expect since this is my first time working a Christmas Eve day at this place (last year I was "snowed in" and "working from home"). I have worked for employers who gave you Christmas Eve off and employers who didn't. In terms of the latter, I don't think I have ever worked at a place where the manager didn't come around in the morning on Christmas Eve day and tell the staff they could leave early.
Of course none of the managers are in.
There are about five people working in my department, one of whom invited me to lunch to break up the monotony. That was a nice gesture, which never would have occurred to me.
But the insult added to injury is that the public transportation is running on a "holiday" schedule, which means all of the express buses were canceled. I had to leave 25 minutes earlier to get here at the same time I usually do. And while it was pretty out ("calm and bright" and all that) and I generally enjoy those all too rare moments of solitude, I felt spooked nonetheless. Very conscious of the dozens of places where someone could jump out of the bushes and attack me. And of course there is not much of a security detail to begin with (because this is such a "safe" place) and none at all today because of the supposed holiday. Even though we have to be at work.
But I am not in a bad mood. Just wondering how I'm going to stay awake through any holiday festivities this evening and tomorrow. I just consumed an enormous coffee (nice barista!), but the caffeine is having zero effect.
Happy H-Days to All!
The latest post on the PNB Director's Blog pretty well summarizes many of my own thoughts and feelings about last week's Emeralds coaching session/lecture demonstration, so I'll just include it here rather than do the heavy slogging. It was exciting to be that close to the dancers as they were working. At one point Ariana Lallone and Karel Cruz (doing the Mimi Paul/Francisco Moncion pas de deux) passed by and the rustle of her skirt, etc. felt very otherworldly -- as if the dinosaur exhibit at the Museum of Natural History had come to life. I also enjoyed Mimi Paul's anecdote about Balanchine offering her a choice of music for her variation, but she chose the first piece, after listening to only a few bars, without even hearing the other because it was familiar to her from a morning radio program. I think it must have been WQXR, which my father always listens to. I don't think they use that same piece of music anymore (Faure's Shylock?) or even have the same morning program (and certainly not the same announcer). I remember hearing the program though, many years later, after having become familiar with the ballet, and thinking that Balanchine's work may have brought it to prominence, but it's interesting to see that wasn't the case at all.
Life resumed its thuddingly routine dimension immediately after the inauguration euphoria. I was in an awful mood yesterday and felt evil. I think I picked up something either from the communal viewing of the inauguration or the (mild) partying with co-workers after work. I'mstill trying to fight it off. I feel a bit better today, but yesterday I felt horrible, with sore throat and chills in the evening. My dire physical condition was probably compounded by my predictable pre-conference panic attack. I think I'm over that bit by now; hopefully the flu or whatever it was will keep at bay.
Denver in January?
It may not be Fall for Dance, but the ballet season out here officially kicked off with a lecture demonstration by Twyla Tharp to promote the upcoming All Tharp program at Pacific Northwest Ballet.
I was groggy and jet lagged after still trying to recover from my recent trip to New York (more about that in future posts), a day full of work, and thinking about my dinner (the program was at an ungodly early hour) but it was fun to see some dance again. Most especially to see the Divine Carla back on stage and looking to be in great form.
Tharp gave props to archives (her own, anyway) more than once. She spoke briefly at the beginning (in a nice touch mentioning the money nobodies for their support, but not by name) and presented two of the new pieces on the program straight through (with the dancers in practice clothes and live music). There was time for a brief (but probably not brief enough) Q & A at the end.
I won't say much about the new works until I see them in a real performance next week. One was set to a Brahms quintet (Opus 111) and the other, Afternoon Ball, to a piece by (still living) minimalist composer, Vladimir Martynov. I preferred the former to the latter, which was kind of inscrutable, but featuring what I first thought was a "jester" figure (bad enough), but in her discussion later, Tharp referred to the "clown" tradition (even worse). I didn't get a good view of what the set was supposed to be from the side of the auditorium in which I was sitting, so I'm probably missing something about the significance of the ending. More when I have had another viewing and time to digest.
She also tried to peddle some bullshit re: the second ballet about its connection to the world of the absurdists, Beckett, et. al and The Little Match Girl. I saw the "alienation" she mentioned clearly enough, but never would have come up with TLMG from that. Strange the fascination with that story (and H. C. Andersen's own with ballet) and the various artists it has inspired. When I read in a theatre program that Martyn Jacques was working on a new version with the Tiger Lillies a few years ago, I thought he was just taking the piss, but apparently it did happen. The somewhat creepy, yet undeniably moving, Hollywood cartoon version from the 1930s, however, probably is definitive. And, interestingly, uses Brahms, I think. Watch it for yourself!
Can it be possible that I still have to slog through another SIX hours today?
Weird to think that a week ago this time I was wandering around Delancey Street, with various mendicants telling me I looked pretty.
I'm certainly bored and hungry. I keep going to lunch earlier and earlier each day, but it's not even 10:00 AM. Also, it seems as if the more sleep I get, the MORE tired I become. I managed to get in just about the requisite 8 hours for three consecutive nights now, but I have no ability to concentrate. And the fucking program I have to use most frequently is acting oddly today.
This morning I could tell it was a different bus driver just from the way in which the bus pulled up to the curb. I guess he was unfamiliar with the route, but he was going way too slow most of the time. A car even honked at us on the bridge. It was all a little unsettling.
It's still fairly warm and sunny, but it's supposed to rain later.
My boyfriend checked into airfares out here for next weekend, but these were ridiculously expensive. Yes, you must book well in advance (especially for holiday weekends) or hope for some great last minute deal (but these are usually to places nobody would want to go anyway). I won't have enough frequent flier miles to lend or barter for another round trip, until AFTER my next trip, so I guess he won't be out here over the holiday weekend.
The film festival begins on Friday. I purchased a few tickets the other day. As usual, the films I selected were almost exclusively documentaries (which I find interest me more these days). Perusing the schedule, the few narrative films that sounded appealing will all be released pretty shortly, so why pay festival prices?
Yesterday I bought a couple of tofu banh mi at the old place (which, reassuringly, I guess, still has the same unfriendly customer service, although most of the supporting cast has changed). The prices have gone up (to $2!), a sign o' the times. The sandwiches were still tasty, but they made my bag smell like farts, while I searched for a comfy spot in which to eat one. I think the smell has faded.
I'm certainly bored and hungry. I keep going to lunch earlier and earlier each day, but it's not even 10:00 AM. Also, it seems as if the more sleep I get, the MORE tired I become. I managed to get in just about the requisite 8 hours for three consecutive nights now, but I have no ability to concentrate. And the fucking program I have to use most frequently is acting oddly today.
This morning I could tell it was a different bus driver just from the way in which the bus pulled up to the curb. I guess he was unfamiliar with the route, but he was going way too slow most of the time. A car even honked at us on the bridge. It was all a little unsettling.
It's still fairly warm and sunny, but it's supposed to rain later.
My boyfriend checked into airfares out here for next weekend, but these were ridiculously expensive. Yes, you must book well in advance (especially for holiday weekends) or hope for some great last minute deal (but these are usually to places nobody would want to go anyway). I won't have enough frequent flier miles to lend or barter for another round trip, until AFTER my next trip, so I guess he won't be out here over the holiday weekend.
The film festival begins on Friday. I purchased a few tickets the other day. As usual, the films I selected were almost exclusively documentaries (which I find interest me more these days). Perusing the schedule, the few narrative films that sounded appealing will all be released pretty shortly, so why pay festival prices?
Yesterday I bought a couple of tofu banh mi at the old place (which, reassuringly, I guess, still has the same unfriendly customer service, although most of the supporting cast has changed). The prices have gone up (to $2!), a sign o' the times. The sandwiches were still tasty, but they made my bag smell like farts, while I searched for a comfy spot in which to eat one. I think the smell has faded.
Well I know that this is the land that invented year round sandal (with socks, ugh) wearing, but it is always a shock to the tender flesh when wearing sandals out of doors for the first time after a hiatus of many months. Yesterday was such a day, with temperatures hitting the mid-80s. My feet hurt a lot last night and I didn't even walk around that much outside. Today it's supposed to be a tad cooler, but the sun is already blazing, so we shall see. A time to catch up on errands (I had a friend visiting last week and let some essential tasks slide) and maybe even catch a live performing arts event for the first time in what seems like ages.
Several people from work are off to New York right now (after pumping me for restaurant tips, etc.) and inciting nostalgia and envy in more or less equal doses. It's nice to not have to hear about it. I am eagerly awaiting my own (very) brief visit in a few weeks. In the meantime, I finally started reading the Deborah Jowitt biography of Jerome Robbins in anticipation of my NYCB pilgrimage (although I don't think I will be seeing all that much Robbins) and the all Robbins program out here happening soon.
I don't know about these multi-taskers. People who are able to work full time, commute, raise children, coach soccer games, join reading groups, knit, garden, take their pets to the vet, travel to exotic places, sing in church choirs, deliver meals to the needy (simultaneously it often seems). I can barely get myself dressed in the morning.
I am wearing new shoes today. I thought I had broken them in slightly ahead of time, but I clearly am not used to them, which is forcing me to walk funny. And my feet hurt.
My advice to those new to the NYCB repertory. Do not attend an evening performance of The Goldberg Variations (or even a matinee), if you are very tired. As the program notes point out, Count Keyserling, "who was troubled with insomnia, asked Bach to write music he could listen to during sleepless nights, and it was Goldberg, a pupil of Bach's, who played the variations for him." It is a very long ballet and, unfortunately, last night I kept fighting a sometimes losing battle to keep from nodding off in spite of some excellent performances (especially from the vets, Wendy Whelan, Maria Kowroski, Philip Neal, and Adam Hendrickson). I knew it probably was a bad idea to go when I have been so very sleep-deprived, but I want to take in as many performances as possible before I have to leave (sniff!). In spite of the fatigue, it still felt good just being there.
I should pick up a recording of Goldberg, now that it has proven its value as a soporific for those occasional insomniac episodes of mine. I wonder if the music must be played live for it to be effective though?
Well, first of all, I am pissed off that my digital camera (purchased shortly before Thanksgiving last year) is suddenly malfunctioning. Hopefully, it is something as simple as the battery that came with the camera is no longer holding its charge, but I can't be sure.
I hadn't charged it for a while and when I went to use it last week, I was able to turn the camera on, but it wouldn't let me record or view any pictures. A message displayed on the screen: "Turn power off and on again." I did, but the same thing happened. I took out the battery, plopped it in the charger, where the little light went on, indicating that it was not fully charged. I left the battery in the charger for the amount of time that it is supposed to take to completely charge the battery (the only sign you get that the battery is charged is that the light goes off). I put the battery back in the camera and it worked again. I took only a few pictures over the course of the week, including a handful surreptitiously snapped at the staff holiday breakfast, a couple of days ago. When I went to view the pictures later in the day, the camera did the same thing again. Although it seemed unlikely that the battery could have lost its charge so soon, I took it out and put it in the charger; the indicator lamp went on, but it had gone off when I looked at it again about twenty minutes later. Anyhow, I left the battery in the charger for the full amount of time yet again, but when I put the battery back in the camera, it still wouldn't go on, and gave me the same useless message. I checked some online product reviews of this model and saw that a few people reported experiencing their battery lose its ability to stay charged after about a year. Still, if just the battery is dead, why does the camera go on at all?
I dread what it might cost to fix the camera (now that it is past its warranty) if it is something with the camera itself. Also, since the battery costs around $35-$40 to replace, that seems like a lot of money to spend on a possible cure that might not even work. Even more insidious, that figure represents about one third of the cost to buy a comparable, brand new camera (probably a model with higher megapixels and other features), making it even more tempting to just give in and buy another one (which is probably what the manufacturer has in mind all along).
Maybe I can persuade my parents to bring it in to B&H (where I originally purchased the camera). They enjoy kibbutzing with the salespeople and shit like that--they probably could get them to test out a working battery on the camera without much effort. I loathe stuff like that--schmoozing and demanding favors. I also think it would be silly to go through the whole circus of even going to B&H (especially at this time of year) just to purchase one little 2 inch battery--though they seem to have the lowest price on the battery of any real area store. Or maybe I should just order one online?
Then again, maybe it was taking a picture of the director at the party that has turned my camera into stone.
Tonight I'm having my first night out in ages. I am going to see the Molissa Fenley company at the Joyce. I am primarily going to see Jonathan Porretta (guest artist from Pacific Northwest Ballet) perform in State of Darkness. I have attended a few Fenley programs over the years, strictly to see Peter Boal guest with her company, and have not particularly cared for much else on the program. Very earnest and utilitarian stuff. Well-structured and musical, but not very compelling. I don't know why her choreography makes me think of waxed dental floss. Good for you, keeps you feeling (mentally) "clean," and relatively painless, if applied well.
My major concern, however, is keeping awake. I've only made it past ten o'clock twice in the past two weeks. Last night, I started falling asleep on the couch during the first half of Countdown with Keith Olbermann (it did begin as a boring episode, too much on the who-cares-baseball-steroids-scandal). I went into the bedroom when my boyfriend went out for a good samaritan walking of another person's dog in the rain (at least that's where he said he was going) and was reportedly in a dead sleep by the time he returned. Maybe it was the effect of that single glass of wine (my first in ages) with dinner.
Also, I need to get back to proper eating again. After not eating much of anything during the worst of my sickness, I am now scarfing too much "comfort food" and other assorted crap. I even ducked out early for lunch today with a strong craving for fried breakfast food (though I think this place at least uses free range eggs and organic bacon).
